Coming Changes

We found out yesterday that Joshua will be moving foster homes on Wednesday, November 4th, which is in a week. I am really excited about this move, because it will really move him toward reunification with his parents. He is also going back to his first foster home, where he was already really attached to his foster mom there. Things seem to be falling into place!

Latest Update

I've been wanting to blog lately, but haven't felt ready to sit down and commit words to paper, so the speak, until tonight. We've all been doing well, although I'm dealing with pregnancy sickness. But my family is wonderful and they take up for me in many areas. I am so grateful for my husband and my kids. I feel like a queen with them.

Joshua has continued to meld into our family more and more. I've noticed that he listens to and obeys Matthew much quicker and better than he does me, so he must be feeling like one of the kids, since that's pretty much status quo around here. Why is that??? Don't answer.

Anyway...Joshua. We just found out that he will probably be leaving us in the next couple of weeks. His case is being moved to another county. We have known of this possibility for a few weeks. But it's official now. There is a court date on Tuesday that should give us a more solid idea on the time frame. But it's almost a sure thing. It's very interesting, because we have not felt like Joshua is supposed to stay in our family. We're more of a temporary stop for him. But if his case had stayed in Placer County, there could have been a greater chance that he would not go back to his parents. His social worker here really would like to see him stay with us. She sees a secure and stable future for him in our family. So, we've been praying and praying that God's will would be done with this. And I think part of that plan is for the case to move to a county that will be more open to reunification with his parents. As a result, I'm really excited about this move, for Joshua and his parents.

I have actually had the opportunity to get to know his parents more over the last couple of months. They talk with him on the phone a couple times a week. And I have been with them at a some doctor appointments. Their love, adoration really, for Joshua is very evident. They have been devastated by this separation. His dad, especially, is feeling it. He told me that having Joshua taken is the worst pain he has ever experienced. Their whole goal in life right now is to get Joshua back. The really great thing is that they are also going after God and his way. I am very hopeful that they can make it. I pray fervently, for Joshua's sake as well as their own, that they will succeed. They also have another little boy on the way. I so desire to see this family reunited and fulfilling their destiny together. Please pray for them, when you think of us. They have not had many cheerleaders behind them. But I know that if they cling to God with everything they have, they can go forward and never go back.

Of course, the next question is, what's next for the Stroups? Well, aside from having a new baby due in June and all the general craziness that makes up our lives. But in the adoption arena, what's coming for us? Well...I actually got to speak to the head of adoption at Koinonia tonight. He just so happens to attend my church AND I just so happened to see him for the first time in months there tonight. :) He told me that he had a 1/2 hour conversation with our social worker just this week. And he also spoke with the director of the local Koinonia office in Loomis. They are all very enthusiastic about finding us an adoptive placement. I had been worried that we would be disqualified because I'm pregnant. As you might recall, Koinonia has a six kids per household policy. And the new baby makes six. But we don't technically have six yet. So the door is still open. I had started to think that maybe we had done all this just for Joshua and his parents. And that would have been fine. But it's cool to think that God may have one or two for us that need a forever family. I'm excited to see who else God brings into our family.

I cannot say that fostering is easy. I have been very stretched and challenged by many things in the last few months, like learning to parent a child who does not have the foundation that I'm used to giving my kids, learning to parent in a way that I am not accustomed to, learning to love a child that is not my own, and most of all, learning that I really, really cannot raise these kids, any kids, on my own. I desperately need the Lord to meet me in this. And I really need my husband, family and friends. I tend to be pretty self-sufficient, and proud of it. But that is not God's way. So he is using this experience to teach me weakness. Or, more acurately, to show me the weakness that was already there. I think God is a pretty cool guy.

Can I Live?

I just got this post from my brother-in-law. It's worth watching.

Laughter

About ten days before we found out we were pregnant, I was working around the house when out of nowhere, God spoke to my heart, "You're going to have an Isaac." It was one of those times that His voice is so clear, there is no doubt about what you heard. So I thought, "Ok. God's going to give us another boy sometime." At that point, I wasn't even thinking about being pregnant. Then, of course, we found out that we're pregnant. So we've been talking about how even though we're going to have an Isaac someday, that doesn't mean that THIS one is the one.

Tonight, the worship team I play with on Sunday nights was praying a blessing over me and this pregnancy. After several minutes of sweet prayer and blessings, our prayer leader spoke up and said, "Christal, I feel the Lord telling me that this child is an Isaac." Haha! What a confirmation! He said that just because the baby is an Isaac, that doesn't mean that it's a boy. But we have laughter coming to our family that will spill out to the world around us. I am so excited.

I love how the Lord delights in giving us gifts like the word that came tonight. I can imagine him thinking, "It's almost time for Christal to get the gift I've had planned for her forever!" It's like when your excited to see your kids open their Christmas presents that have been under the tree. The moment comes and you see that unforgettable expressions on their faces. It's such a fun part of being their parents. I always try to capture that expression with the camera. God got a great picture for his album tonight.

Make That Nine

We are very excited to have found out that we will be welcoming a new member to our family in June. I am about four weeks pregnant with our sixth biological child. God is good and he sure loves life!

Numbering Eight

It's been a little over two weeks since we got Joshua. We've had two very busy and eventful weeks! Joshua is doing very well and feeling more and more like he's one of our own. He attached to me fairly quickly. I think that somehow he knew that I'm his new mommy, because he almost immediately turned to me for safety and comfort. We've spent the last couple of weeks training him in our rules and establishing who is the boss. He gets it. He challenges it, too. But what kid doesn't? The good thing is that he responds well to discipline and changes his heart. It's different, not spanking. I've come to appreciate the blessing of spanking a lot in the last couple of weeks. But, we're getting there without it. God is in this and he's not limited by the restrictions placed on us.

One interesting emotion I've encountered is the feeling of not wanting to invest so much of myself into him. Given that he is not going to be staying in our family forever, I have felt like he won't even benefit from the training he's receiving here. So I've had to remember that I am not doing this for any other reason than to obey the Lord. The final results are in his hand. And you never know what could happen in the future, or what kind of impact you could have that you never fathomed would take place.

I have been thinking about the scripture in Matthew 18:5-6 and 10.

"And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who trusts in me to lose faith, it would be better for that person to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around the neck.

Beware that you don't despise a single one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels are always in the presence of my heavenly Father."

There have been a few times in the last couple weeks when I've begun to despise having Joshua here. We've had some pretty challenging days, not just with him but with the other kids as well. Even though in my head I could tell myself that we're all adjusting to a new family member and he's adjusting to us, my emotions and my will were not so happy with the situation at times. But as I ponder God's heart for children, it changes my perspective on them. They go from being a burden and an emotional drain to being precious jewels in God's treasure chest. I have known most of this for a long time. But I think I'm finally beginning to "get" it.

The other day, I was talking to my chiropractor and he commented that training Joshua must be fun. "Fun?" I said, "What do you mean?" He answered, "Well, you get to see him change and grow and improve under your care." I had never thought of it that way before. I tend to get caught up in the daily grind of character formation and forget to step back and look at the amazing honor I have been given to mold six little lives into people that love the Lord and bless the people around them. The other day, as I was trying to get the kitchen clean and dinner made at the same time and the "little ones" as we call the younger three were trying unsuccessfully to get along, I took a moment to remember the conversation I had with my chiropractor and thank the Lord for this tremendous blessing and privilege. It was amazing how quickly my heart went from grousing and complaining to soaring in joy.

The Lord told us that he wanted to use this experience to make us into the family that he wants us to be. In fact, I have reminded him and myself of this several times in the last couple of weeks. I am glad to know that he is not wasting any time.

Joshua

We went and picked up our little boy today. His name is Joshua and he is two years old. He is a very sweet and cheerful boy. He has quickly befriended the kids, who are also happy to have him as part of the family. I believe that we will have him for about six months. His parents are pretty serious about getting him back and very concerned about him. So they are working hard to make sure they get to the place that they can give him a good home. That's a good thing to hear.

Here We Go!

We were informed today that we have been selected to foster a little boy, two years old. I will be meeting with his social worker on Monday. Given that there are no surprises, we should be able to welcome this little one into our home next week. :) This situation is moving toward reunification. That means that his parents are getting help and he will hopefully be able to go back home eventually. God is good!

Life!!!

Today I met the neatest old lady over the onions in the grocery store. I noticed her because of her face. It was just a glimpse, but it struck me as the sweetest countenance I had seen in a long time. I thought, "With a face like that, she must know Jesus." Then I noticed the WWJD bracelet on her wrist. So I said, "Excuse me, but your face has the sweetest countenance I have seen in a long time." When she heard that she grabbed me in a big hug saying, "Oh, thank you! That made my day! I hope it's Him in me that makes you say that." I replied, "When I first saw you, I thought that you must be a Christian, but then I saw your bracelet and knew." She told Joel that he has the best mommy. She may think that I made her day, but she really made mine just by being there in the store.

I've been thinking a lot about the rights and wrongs of this world and the value of life. New life, old life, life that is not capable of making any tangible contribution to society. I have a neighbor who is 91. She lived through the Great Depression, WWI, a whole century of history is living next door to me. She is a poet, but she used to be a reporter. Actually, she confided the other day that poetry is getting old and she's branching out into editorial work. I would love to see what she has to say! She has an interesting perspective on life, politics, religion, family and on and on. I love to talk to her because she is a wealth of experience and wisdom. She's living on social security with the love and help of her family.

I have another soon-to-be neighbor moving in on the other side of me. She has a daughter who is mentally retarded. I've only met the daughter once, but she is thrilled to meet new people and learn their names. When we met, she was completely enamored by Aaron. She has nothing to give material wise, or even intellectually, but brightens up the atmosphere when you are with her.

So much life! So much potential!

You're probably asking, "Where are you leading me, Christal?" I'll tell you. It's ObamaCare. There are way too many things wrong with it for me to list here. But the two that just really, really get me are public funding of abortions and euthanasia. The Bible says that Satan wants to kill, steal and destroy. This bill will promote just that for the unborn and for the elderly, our future and our past, the source of our greatest riches. Please, contact your representatives and senators and voice your concern for this bill. We need an enormous public outcry against this. I recently read a quote. "Apathy is the glove that the hand of evil wears in order to keep from skinning it's knuckles while it smashes babies against the wall." Please, do something.

We're Official!!!

We found out yesterday that we are now certified to fost-adopt. It's actually been in effect since the 22nd, but we signed off on our home study yesterday.

Meant to Be

This is a beautiful song written by a man whose mom chose to give him up for adoption rather than abort him. It's worth listening to.

http://www.shouldhavebeenaborted.com/MEANT_TO_BE.html

Christal

Weeping

Tonight I found myself cooking dinner and weeping, so full of emotion after this day. I had just gotten off the phone with my brother-in-law. He and my sister are currently in Louisiana adopting a beautiful little girl, Alana Michelle. As with all adoptions, this one is bittersweet. Alana's mother did not give her up because she was unwanted. She gave her up in order to give her a better life. And so, Paul and Michelle are experiencing the joy of welcoming a precious child into their home, while at the same time, Alana's birth mom experiences empty arms, loving her daughter beyond her own life.

On this very same day that Paul and Michelle welcome Alana in, my dear friends who got a new son last week had to say good-bye to him. Again, it's bittersweet. The birth mom in this case realized the she could not live with giving him up. And as a result, he will be able to grow up knowing his mother, grandparents, siblings. This is a wonderful thing! But it's also a heart break for my friends, who love this baby as their own son.

As I have pondered these things, I have again marveled at how God is able to make beauty from the mess we make of life. Yes, there is sorrow and pain, but those things never come without joy and gladness. He truly takes our sorrow and mourning and turns them into dancing and joy, no matter what the circumstance. He is bigger and he is faithful. And he has greater plans than we can even imagine!

In the Middle of Something Great

You know how you go through life moment by moment, day by day but don't really see the whole picture? Then, God breaks in and something happens that makes you step back and say, "Wow, I'm totally in the middle of an amazing plan of God!" That's how tonight felt to me. I got to be part of a life-changing God moment.

Tonight I got to meet a newborn baby boy. The amazing thing about this little boy, born on May 19th, my birthday, is that he is an orphan. He was born at 10:11 in the morning, eleven minutes after his birth mother walked into the hospital. But her life does not allow her to keep him, so she surrendered him to the hospital immediately. And because of God's goodness, the social worker who was involved in this case has also worked with my good friend who already has two adopted children. So the social worker called my friend to find out if she and her husband would like to take this baby. Within two hours, they were on the road to the hospital, which happens to be here in my town, to meet their new son. And so, just like that they have a baby.

As soon as I heard the news, I was on my way to meet this new little guy. He is just perfect. He actually looks like his adopted sister. Really, it's unbelievable how much alike they look. He has these hugely long feet and big hands. So I think he's going to be a pretty tall guy. And his fuzzy hair is dark, but we'll see what it ends up being.

While I was there I got to hear some of his history. Even though the circumstances surrounding his conception were not good, his birth mom made sure that she took good care of herself while she was pregnant. She didn't smoke or drink or anything like that. So she really cared for him. And she did all that knowing that she was not going to raise this child. She had the choice to abort this unwanted child, but she gave him the gift of his life. And that's amazing. She's an amazing woman, even if she doesn't know it. I am so grateful that she loved him enough to do this.

God really has rescued this little boy. He rescued him in his womb from a premature death. And he even rescued him from going into the foster care system by giving him a godly home right from the start. I'm amazed that this baby is less than one day old and abandoned. But he already has a permanent family. I mean, it's not like his birth mom read through the profiles of many prospective parents and chose the one that she thought would be best for her baby. This baby could have very easily ended up in the foster care system. But God plucked him right up and placed him into a wonderful family where he will be raised in the love of the Lord. Tonight, I truly got to experience a miracle. God is so able to do whatever he sees fit to do. All our plans and systems are nothing to him. He is so worthy of our praise and adoration.

I Love This!

I'll be the first to admit that I have not found becoming a parent easy. I'm a bit of a hard head. So God really has to work on me. I have often found myself wondering why I'm not enjoying the parenting process more. Rebellious attitudes and disobedience really tend to get to me. And I don't tend to be the most patient person in the world. Nor do I have the most perseverance. So, although I have been quite committed to parenting and parenting well, I have not always found pleasure in it. But this past weekend it seems like something shifted. It wasn't huge. In fact, Saturday was particularly difficult. I had two children who just wouldn't obey no matter what. And then one of them tried to shift the blame for what they did to another. And that really gets my goat when that happens! It's one thing to sin. But to sin and then pass the blame off onto someone else??? Grrr!!! But I remember a moment, sitting on the floor of our bonus room, trying to reason with this child who was determined to see it only their way. I looked at Matthew for help, desperate to get through to this one. And in the middle of all that, I thought, "I love this!" And I really meant it!

I can't tell you how many times I have gone to the Lord with something like, "What are you asking of me?!?! How on earth can I foster when I have such a hard time with my own kids?" I have woken up in the morning with a sense of dread about the responsibilities and issues that the new day holds. I have found parenting to be a burden to me in many ways, even as I have known that it's my calling and passion. But recently I went to the Lord and said, "Ok, you said that your yoke is easy and your burden is light. I know this doesn't mean life is easy. But you carry the burden for us. I know I'm carrying things I shouldn't. Please help me." I think God is answering that prayer. I think he is changing me and giving me what I need to do what he has called me to do. This is what he has promised to do in his word. And he is always faithful to keep his promises.

Psalm 127:1,2
Unless the LORD builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the LORD guards the city,
The watchman stays awake in vain.
[It is] vain for you to rise up early,
To sit up late,
To eat the bread of sorrows;
[For] so He gives His beloved sleep.

This is God's heart for us as parents. So often we take on so much of the burden for how our kids turn out, or even how they act now! But, really, raising a family is God's process. He does not want us to lose sleep and be troubled about our kids. He wants to build our houses and he wants to give us his peace. And even in our weaknesses and humanity, he will make sure that we are in just the right place spiritually, emotionally, physically, for whatever he has called us to.

Home Study Almost Finished

I'm starting to get excited here. Daryl came out today with our "completed" home study for us to review. Now that we have approved it, he is taking to to his editors. While they have it, he will be putting our profile together with our picture and basic info. Then, when he gets that done and the home study comes back, we will become certified!!! Our profile will go into the system and we'll be ready to accept kids into our home.

In our home study, we are stating that we are specifically looking for one to two girls ages 0-5. I asked Daryl about the age, because in my mind I was thinking more like 6 and under. But he really doesn't want to disrupt the birth order for even our six year old. I thought that was interesting. And once again, I am so grateful that the people at Koinonia are just as, if not more, concerned about making sure that our family comes through this process intact as they are about finding good homes for foster kids. I really appreciate their commitment to whole families.

I think I mentioned this before, but if I haven't, I'll take the time to explain it a little more. There are two ways to work within the foster care system when you want to adopt. One is called concurrent placement and the other I can't remember the term for. But it is adopting kids whose parents have already lost their rights to them. So they are "adoptable". Concurrent placement, on the other hand, means that the kids are still in the process of either being restored to their parents, or having parental rights terminated. So we could get someone into our home, but then mom and dad get their act together and the kids go back home. We had a choice of whether or not we wanted to do concurrent placement, or only look at kids who are adoptable. We chose to be open to concurrent placement, because we don't know exactly how God wants to use us in this process. And if he wants us to minister to some kids for a short time and then send them back home, we want to be available. So, that being said, there is a good possibility that we will get one or two kids who may or may not become a permanent part of our family.

In a couple weeks we are going to attend a picnic with social workers from the area and also kids that are currently adoptable. There are two reasons for us to go to this. The first is obvious. We will have an opportunity to meet some kids so that if any stand out to us we can pursue the possibility of adopting them. The second is so that the local social workers get a chance to meet us and get to know us a little. So it advertises us a little. Regarding the first reason for going, Matthew said that the only problem about going and seeing all these kids is that he'll want to say, "We'll take them all!" I love his heart.

Inching Closer

We're ever so slowly getting closer to being certified. We have officially finished our interview process now. Darryl has to finish writing our profile, which is about 15 pages long. Then we will review it together. After that, it goes through an editing process before it's complete. But that's really all that is needed to finish!

Drawn From Water

For a quick update - we expect to have one more interview with Darryl. Then he just needs to finish up our profile and we'll be certified!

This post, however, is to draw awareness to a new orphanage in Ethiopia. This orphanage is dedicated to saving the lives of children who have been marked to die for various reasons. You can learn more by going to www.drawnfromwater.org. Please take a moment to watch this video and pray about whether God would have you help in this effort.

Muddy Waters

This week we have started our interview process with our social worker, Darryl. It has been interesting as he has probed into many areas of our life. We knew it was going to be pretty invasive. And we both are comfortable with being transparent. Being members of the Rock has really prepared us for that! But imagine revisiting every major issue you've faced, starting with your childhood and continuing into your marriage. That's what this week has been. It's been quite an emotional ride. I didn't realize how many issues I had! Last night, I was thinking that I felt like a pool of water that was nice and clear. But at the bottom was all this dirt that had settled over time. Then, Darryl came and stirred up the dirt and made my water all muddy. Not too fun. But I'm very grateful to be talking through these things now, because Darryl is pointing out how it could affect us with foster kids. And how these kids have learned to play adults and could try to use our issues against us.

We also have discussed what we are hoping for in the kids we are bringing in. One major concern I have had is if I would have the ability to home school them. We have heard that it's pretty much not allowed. So I was very encouraged that, as long as the foster kids' social worker is ok with it, we will be allowed to home school them. Darryl said that some social workers recognize the benefits of home school and others don't. But that will just be a determining factor on whether or not we can accept certain kids. As we've been going through this process, my heart has always leaned very strongly toward elementary aged kids. But I didn't see how I could do both a home school schedule and a public school one at the same time. So I was very happy to hear that I may not have to do that.

We also discussed the race of the children we will be getting. Most of the kids that Koinonia gets are either black or Hispanic. As we talked, we realized that we already have a good network of Hispanic people around us. We have an amazing Christian family across the street from us who are biracial. The mom is full blood Mexican and the dad is American. They speak both languages in the home as well. So the kids are bilingual. They could be a great resource for us as we endeavor to help our new kids feel comfortable. We also know some great Hispanic families at church, which will help. So, it's looking like we might be recommended for Hispanic kids over black ones.

We're meeting with Darryl again tomorrow. I'm hoping that we can get done with my portion of it, and possibly Matthew's. Darryl said that this process takes anywhere from 60-90 days. He has to take what we've talked about and write it up into a 15 page document, which will be available to social workers who are considering us for one of their kids. So, it takes some time for him to write and edit it, then let us proof read it and make any changes, etc. Using that guideline, it looks like it will be end of April to mid-May before we are finally ready to foster. However, that could be helpful because it would be nice for school to be out before the kids come to us. Then we can use the summer to get to know them and they us and integrate together before the demanding schedule of school time starts up again. Of course, this is all supposition. God alone knows what's really going to happen!

Moving Forward

We sold Matthew's old car today. It was pretty cool. I posted the ad on craigslist at 10am and the car was sold by noon. I guess that's what happens when you sell a car for $250! :) The great thing was that the family that bought it had their car stolen a couple of weeks ago. This family of six has been using the bus and walking. Can you imagine taking a grocery trip for six people and then trying to walk home with it all? Anyway, they were really excited about having a car again, even it the power windows, door locks and mirrors don't work, it leaks oil and power steering fluid over time, the engine smells funny and is not at all pretty. I hope it lasts them until they are able to buy a better car in the future. I was glad that it went to a family in need instead of someone who just wanted to part it out. We have been so blessed with the purchase of the Tank that it's nice to turn around and bless someone else. At least, I hope our old car is a blessing!

I also discovered that I had gotten a call from our social worker yesterday! His name is Darryl. We have met him at a couple of different classes and he seems like a really nice man. His story is interesting because he was adopted as a child in a closed adoption. Over the years he has searched for his birth family. He found his mom, but is having a hard time locating his dad. But since he is adopted, he has a unique perspective on fostering and adopting. He also is a huge advocate of open adoptions, because his path has been so difficult since the records are sealed. I'm hoping that we will be able to schedule our first meeting for next week.

Speaking of closed and open adoptions, we came into this with the metality of doing a closed adoption. But as we have learned more, we have discovered that an open adoption does not mean that the birth family will have full access to us. As far as I understand, we determine how much exposure, if any, that we want to have with the birth family. During the fostering phase, of course, there will be visitation, which will be decided on and coordinated by the social worker. And that will most likely happen in a more neutral location. But after adoption, we will decide how much contact to have with the birth family. It might be something like monthly visits. Or it could just be birthday and Christmas cards. Or it could be absolutely no contact if the situation warrants it. However, the open records will allow our children to know who their parents are and find them if they so desire as they get older. I'm not sure if closed adoptions even happen now a days because the benifits of open adoptions are so accepted.

The Tank

My kids have been asking every day this week, "Have we gotten the tax return yet?" So today I was very happy to announce to them this morning that we got the return and were ready to buy the van. It's been like waiting to go to Disneyland around here this past week. So, we rounded up and headed out to Danny's house.

While we were at Danny's house, we got a chance to know him and his family a little bit better. He told us some about what it was like growing up in Romania and how he came to America. We talked about big families and God's faithfulness. I think we could have talked all day, if we had the time. They just have the same heart as we do. And if we don't have enough in common, we also found out that he works at the grocery store right down the street from us! I have probably walked right past him a dozen times without knowing it. How amazing is that?! This van has really been so much more than a business transaction for us. It's been the beginning of a relationship.

So, we're ready. The final step to complete our certification is the interviews. I'm hoping to hear from our social worker at Koinonia soon. I'm hoping to find out who our social worker will be! But we have done everything that we can on our end of the deal. Now the adventure is really beginning!

A Little Update

So, a week ago we found the van we wanted to buy were planning on financing it that Thursday. Danny, the gentleman who is selling it to us, was going to be at the snow on Tuesday and Wednesday. So we weren't going to be able to finalize the deal until Thursday. On Wednesday, Matthew found out that he is getting a 5% pay cut because of the current economy. Because of that, we decided that instead of getting a loan on the van and using our tax return to pay off a home improvement loan that we have, we would to use the tax return to buy the van outright. Now, you may be asking, "Why is she boring me with all these financial details?" It's because of God's amazing timing! If Danny had not gone to the snow, we would have gotten the loan on Tuesday. Actually, we would have gotten it on Monday if it hadn't been President's Day. But because of both President's Day and the snow day, we were forced to wait until Thursday, which allowed us to find out about the pay cut and change our plans. God is so good!

In addition, Danny is willing to hold the van for us and wait until we get the tax return. And, I just found out that his wife felt the Lord lay on her heart to make sure that the van has a full tank of gas when we come get it! They are just as excited to be part of the blessing as we are to receive it.

God's leading in this process has been nothing short of miraculous. You know, Danny was the very first person that I ever called from craigslist. It's unbelievable. This whole thing is unbelievable.

Undone

If I were to pick one word to describe me right now, it would be undone. Seven months ago, we started this journey to adopt by simply saying yes, we were willing. In faith, we started the process of applying to Koinonia, knowing that if we were really hearing from God, he would provide the time and the means for it to happen. And sure enough, the money came in for us to pay for all the fees associated with becoming fost-adopt certified as well as all the home improvements we needed to make. That includes a new furniture set, as well as bedding and many other miscellaneous things. But all along, I have wondered about the van. The cost of all the other things was quite small compared to the van. So, we waited for tax season and wondered. But in the meantime, I was regularly on craigslist seeing what was out there and noticing that the vans that really looked good were all running at least $10,000, which is out of our price range.

Moving forward to now, we had our tax appointment on Friday and found out how much our return would be. It was good, but not $10,000. After doing some numbers, we decided that we really needed to keep it at or below $8000. There are a lot of Chevys out there for that, especially if it is really basic with not that many features and if it's an older model. So, Friday night I'm on craigslist again. I found a bunch of possibilities, but two stood out. One was a 1999 diesel with a leather interior sold by a dealer. The other was a 2005 being sold by a private party. Both were 12 passenger. So, after some financial consultation with my mom and mechanical consultation with my dad, I decided to call on the 2005. (Thanks, you two!)

Ok, so get this. I got on the phone with this guy named Danny. Turns out that he's selling this van on behalf of his church. They bought it for a couple of youth trips because it was cheaper to buy a van and use it a couple times and then sell it than it was to rent a van. Not a bad idea. Before the church owned it, the army did. So it has been meticulusouly maintained over it's lifetime, whereas a private party may not have maintained it as well. Danny is not only a Christian, but he is also an elder in his church AND he has seven kids of his own to boot! So he is totally excited to sell it to us and even offered to knock a few hundred off of his asking price.

Ok, so, the test drive. Matthew drove it first. We drove it to our mechanic to have him look at it. Matthew really liked it and was sold by the time we got to the shop. We told the mechanic a few things that we had noticed. One thing that had me concerned was some water staining on the ceiling in the back. I asked him to take a look at that because I don't want a leaking van! We headed home and an hour and a half later we get a call. "The van looks great! It's in great condition!" He was really impressed. And the leakage concern? Apparently, the trim had come loose back there and a bit in the front. So they just popped it back in for us since they were there. (Thank you Franklin's Family Auto. They are the best mechanic ever.)

While we waited for Franklin's to look at the van, I got on Kelley Blue Book. I put in all the features and the condition of the van and it came up as worth $9745 in excellent condition or $9070 in good condition, which is where I would put it. You know how much they are asking? $7600.

You know those features I was talking about doing without? This van has them. All the doors, windows and mirrors are electronic. The side mirrors have a defrost function. There is heat and a/c throughout, not just in the front. It has dual front airbags. And the passenger airbag even has a switch so that I can turn it off if I need to. It's ready for a tow package, if we ever decide to go that route. There's a little button thingy that you can push to switch it into tow mode, whatever that is. There is even a running board on the driver's side for my short legs! Really, this is way more than I could have imagined. The only thing that it doesn't have is a CD player. But it does have a radio, so if we ever decide to install a CD player it will not be a problem. In the meantime, I'll be listening to Air 1 a lot. Well, I already listen to Air 1, but it sounded good to say that.

I got to drive it back to the owner. The first time that the enormity of this van hit me was when I adjusted the side mirrors. The van kept going and going further and further back. Then I adjusted the rear view mirror and noticed that I was centering the far distant windows in the reflection. Wow, it's long. And I was thinking I might want a 15 passenger. But I found that I was completely comfortable driving it. I felt a little short, well, a lot short. I was imagining how I must look to someone looking in from the outside, barely peeking over the steering wheel. Kind of a comical picture, if you ask me. I was thinking that I might need to use a pillow to help me out in that area, but we'll see. The next thing I noticed was how small our van out in front of me looked. Really, it looked small. I think we'll start calling our mini-van the sports car. That's how small it looked from my lofty vantagepoint.

As I was driving, it hit me that this is really happening. And that it's happening far beyond and in a much better way that I ever expected. Sound like someone you know? "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him [be] glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. " (Eph 3:20-21) This is exceedingly abundantly above all I could have asked or thought. This journey of faith has been, and it continuing to be, the biggest test of faith that I have ever experienced. I can't tell you the fear I have battled that we might not be hearing God right, that maybe we really are crazy and going off the deep end. But, in the very beginning, we prayed that God would open the doors if this is what we are supposed to do and close them if not. And it has been nothing, nothing but open doors. I am amazed. I am undone. I cried most of the way back to the owner's house. To top it off, a week ago, a dear friend of mine woke up in the morning with this verse for me. "Charm is deceptve, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Prov. 31:30. (Then she said that I get extra praise because not only do I fear the Lord, but I am also beautiful. :) Ok, I'll recieve that.) So, we're turning into the neighborhood, almost to the owner's place and I'm listening to Air 1. They have these spots called "Lifechange Moments" and one came on. You guessed it. The verse was Proverbs 31:30. That did it for me. It could have been any verse in the Bible, but God put that one on for me. It was like God's stamp of approval on me, us, and this insane journey that we're on.

I do get scared. I'm scared of the struggle of bringing two hurting children into our home. I'm scared of the issues that we might have to face. I'm scared of the negative impact it could have on our kids. I'm scared of getting burned out. But then I see God obviously leading us, clearly making our path straight. And all I can say is, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Ps. 23:4. God has called us to this journey and he will not abandon us on the way. In fact, I would rather be out on a limb with God than denying his calling and staying in the security of the trunk of the tree. It's safer on the limb. :)

So, we have to finalize the sale. And that might not happen until Thursday. I might just amaze you with another post later this week when we have the van. But most likely I'll be getting my dream car this week! Unless, of course, God has a different plan. ;)

Life Goes On

The last couple of months have been busy...as usual. :) As far as the fost-adopt process goes, we worked over the holidays on finishing up things around the house to be ready for our final home inspection. We just had that inspection two weeks ago and passed. Yay! So that means our home meets all the safety requirements that the state of California has for foster homes. We also took our last class a week ago. Now our file has been sent to the adoption department of Koinonia. We should be hearing from them in the next few weeks and start the interview process.

Tomorrow we are going out to look at a 12 passenger Chevy Express 2500. After much deliberation, we are pretty sure that we are going to buy a 12 passenger and not a 15 passenger. With our current family, we will have five extra seats in the van. But if we get two foster kids, that will take us down to 3 extra seats. Give us a few years and we'll probably have those filled, too! :)

In other news, Rebecca turned 10 earlier this month. We celebrated by inviting five of her friends to a Princess Laser Tag party, starting at a local laser tag venue and then moving to our house for gifts and DQ ice cream cake with the extended family. It was all a blast and a very memorable 10th birthday for her. She asked for money to buy a Nintendo DS and ended up with enough to buy the DS and two games! Talk about a score! I don't think I get that much money on my birthday! But I think that I need a DS now.

I sure am proud of my kids. It is an amazing journey to pour into your kids day after day for years and then finally begin to see it bear fruit in their lives. Both Rebecca and Daniel are just maturing so much right now. I'm starting to see who they are going to be as adults and it's pretty cool.