It's Here!

No, it's not the baby. :) Today is my due date and he's still very happily staying indoors. I will see the doctor on Wednesday and we'll see what he has to say. So much for 39 weeks, huh? Oh well. It's been very good practice at being content with God's timetable instead of mine. I've had a couple of rough spots where I felt like I was going crazy. Actually, almost every morning now that I think of it. But I'm really trying to submit my heart to God's plan for each day.

What we did get, though, is that furniture. It has turned out better than I expected. It's a loft bed with another bed that comes out at an L shape. Then it has a five drawer dresser, a small wardrobe, and a bookshelf all of which fits nicely under the loft bed. So it will be pretty compact, which is great for the wall space in Rebecca's room. It is pretty scuffed and dinged, but we'll clean it with some oil soap and that should help. That will probably have to wait until after the baby comes, though. :)

We met with our pastor last week about fost-adopting. Although what he said was very challenging to me, it was good. The two things I took away from it were first that our natural kids have to come first. This is something that we learned in our foster care orientation class, but our talk with our pastor strengthened that resolve in my mind. Second, I had started to hold on to this whole idea like it had to happen instead of holding it with an open hand. Although I firmly believe that fost-adoption is in our future, if I hold on to it tightly and don't let God be the one to make it happen, we will have a disaster on our hands. So I need to guard my heart regarding that.

So, we haven't had any big developments, but I thought I'd share our little victories. Hopefully, my next post will involve pictures of a cute little newborn. :)

Open Doors

Yesterday we had our first training class for foster care. We weren't sure going into it if we would come away encouraged or discouraged. In fact, we had decided to postpone getting our background checks done until after this class so that we wouldn't have spent the money on them if we backed out. The person who taught the class is Bill Richardson, the grandson of the lady who founded Koinonia - whose full name escapes me at the moment. Her first name is Miriam. It was an amazing and very educational experience for us. Not only did we learn a lot, but we also were able to ask many questions that have been on our hearts. We came away from it even more sure that this is the course God has for our family.

Probably one of the most encouraging parts of the day for me was at the end, when we sat down one-on-one with Bill and just talked with him. As we explained that we have (almost) five kids at home aged 9 and under and our concerns for their well-being in this process, his immediate response was that we will have to be very careful about who we place in our home. I was so blessed at how committed Koinonia is to making the right match of children with foster parents instead of pressuring us to accept every child that comes along. Although, I think that Matthew would like to do that himself. :)

Koinonia also offers parents a lot of support including ongoing training as well as 24/7 help from our social worker. We also found out that in most cases, after the county social worker places the child with us, our main contact will be our Koinonia social worker. So we will continue to work with people who have the same vision and heart that we have. I am so grateful that God lead us to go through Koinonia, because I feel like we are being protected and supported where we're at and not being expected to fulfill a calling that we have not been given.

Speaking of callings, we came into this planning on adopting not fostering. However, as we learn more, we really believe that God would not have us limit how he wants to use us either as foster or adoptive parents. So we are not going to put any limitations on who they can offer us. For instance, if a child has just been removed from their home and there is a good possibility that they will go back home, we will still be open to fostering them for a time. Our ultimate goal is still adoption. And it could be that the first placement we get will be the ones God has for our family. However, if part of God's plan for us is to have an influence in the life of a child who may not stay with us, we do not want to say no to that. It seems like he may have lured us into one of his divine traps by getting us to say yes to a little without knowing the "a lot" that he has planned. I think it's called bait and switch. So typical of him. :)

Another blessing that just happened is some furniture. I found a matching set of solid oak bunk beds, a chest of drawers and a little wardrobe (which the kids think would be great for pretending Narnia in) priced at $150. But I wasn't really sure about it. It's almost got a nautical style to it all and it's got quite a few dings and such in it. Also, I felt that we needed to spend about $100 on the furniture in order to be frugal with our adoption money and this set cost $150. So I e-mailed the guy back and said that I was thinking about it, but wasn't sure about the style and asked a couple more questions. However, I said nothing about the price. I got a response today that he would drop the price of the whole set to $100 because his wife wants to get rid of them! I can't believe that we're going to get a set of oak furniture for that price. There's still a possibility that the deal could fall through. I have not heard back from him yet about when and where we can pick them up. But if it does, I'll just keep looking for what God has planned.

You've probably noticed that I have not had the baby yet. :) When I went to the doctor on Wednesday, I was dilated to 3cm. I usually am at about a 4 when I go into labor. So we're certainly getting close. I have regularly been having contractions throughout the day and increasing in the evening, but nothing enough to get me worked up yet. However, they are becoming stronger and more painful - not really painful, but it's there. Tomorrow is my "official" 39 week mark. Because I felt like God said to pray for 39 weeks, I'm having a hard time disciplining my soul not to be anxious about going into labor tomorrow - or to have any expectations really. And my pride would not like it much if I had to admit that I was wrong about what God said. Blah to my flesh! Anyway, be thinking of us and praying this week. I'm ready to hold my newest little boy in my arms. I think we all are.

God is so amazingly good. He is asking us to step out in faith quite a bit right now. It's very stretching, to say the least! And it's only just begun. I know that what he is calling us to is not easy, but as he provides the open doors and we walk through in obedience and faith, I know that he will meet us with exactly what we need for each circumstance. I think I would rather be on this journey with him than sitting safely in my little box waiting for nothing.

Hiding in God

Yesterday, I heard the story of a family who adopted an older foster child. This child ended up molesting all the natural children in the home. But that information didn't come out until all the children were grown. At the time I heard this story, it happened that I was watching my oldest, Rebecca, and her friend play on the Webkins website. Both Rebecca and her friend are home schooled. So there is a level of innocence in them that public school children just don't get to have. In fact, it's one of the reasons that I love home schooling. So as I sat there imagining that my daughter could be hurt in the same way these other children were, the fear that I have faced since well before we ever made the decision to fost-adopt and, in fact, what has kept me from wanting to ever bring troubled children into my home, came back stronger than ever. I went and found a private place where I could cry out to God without interruption. In a nut shell, I reminded God that this was not my idea in the first place, but his. I was very happy with my sheltered little family and was not asking for him to rock our world like this. Then I pleaded with him that if this is not his will for us, that he would undeniably shut the doors on us and not allow us to walk through them. The only way I want to go through with this is if God is the one leading us. Otherwise, it is foolishness. As I prayed, God once again brought the scripture to my mind that he gave me a couple of years ago to pray specifically over Matthew, but vicariously over our whole family, since Matthew is our spiritual head. It's also one of the scriptures that I heard at church the night I surrendered to this idea of God's. The whole chapter is pretty much about not just going through the motions of religion, such as fasting, but putting feet to your faith.

Is. 58:5-9
vs. 5 Is this really the kind of fasting I want?
Do I want a day when people merely humble themselves,
bowing their heads like a reed
and stretching out on sackcloth and ashes?
Is this really what you call a fast,
a day that is pleasing to the Lord?
vs. 6 No, this is the kind of fast I want.
I want you to remove the sinful chains,
to tear away the ropes of the burdensome yoke,
to set free the oppressed,
and to break every burdensome yoke.
vs. 7 I want you to share your food with the hungry
and to provide shelter for homeless, oppressed people.
When you see someone naked, clothe him!
Don’t turn your back on your own flesh and blood!
vs. 8 Then your light will shine like the sunrise;
your restoration will quickly arrive;
your godly behavior will go before you,
and the Lord’s splendor will be your rear guard.
vs. 9a Then you will call out, and the Lord will respond;
you will cry out, and he will reply, ‘Here I am.’

I could put more, but you get the idea. As I was crying out before him, that's what he spoke to me, "Is this not the kind of fast that I require?" What can I say to that? This is the fast he has required of us. My heart once again at peace, I committed myself to follow him wherever he leads, trusting him to protect and guide us - and especially to keep us from evil and close the doors if we are going in the wrong direction.

That night during worship at church, our pastor shared the story of how Elijah confronted the prophets of Baal. How the priests of Baal did everything they could to get him to consume their offering, including self mutilation, yet nothing happened. Then Elijah prepared his sacrifice by not only providing the altar, wood, and offering, but also by digging a trench around the altar and soaking the whole thing with water. Then he asked God to accept his offering, whereupon God proceeded to send fire from heaven that consumed the offering, wood, stones of the alter and all the water. I felt challenged that this is the attitude I need to take towards this season in our lives. I don't have to try to make this work out. I pretty much just need to do what is right before me and even to "pour water" on it, refusing to try to help God make this possible. Then I am allowing God to show his power and glory, not mine. This is especially true in the financial area, since that is probably the biggest open and closed door at this point. As I was praying over all this, I gave the financial provision back to God and told him that if he wants to make this happen, it will have to be him.

At this juncture, we have a little over $300 of the $520 that we need to finance the first part of our foster and adoption certification. After church, I kid you not, we were given a check for $100 specifically for the adoption. Our friends who gave it to us said that the husband had felt lead to give it to us. But the wife forgot about it until they saw me at church that night. Then she felt like they were supposed to give it to us that night. I was completely and totally undone. Here I was pleading for closed doors to keep us from going the wrong way, and God just reconfirmed that the doors are not closed! God's timing never ceases to amaze me. They had no idea the process I had gone through that day, but they listened to the Lord and blessed us with much more than $100. They really were the hand of God's blessing and approval for us last night.

So I wanted to share that story with you. God is so good that even though I walk through the valley of shadow and death, I will fear no evil, for he is with me.

On a side note, I had an ultrasound today to try to help determine the size of our baby that is due on the 21st. Since Ethan was 9 lbs. 9 oz. and almost got stuck, the doctor is being more cautious about letting this baby get too big for me to push out. Anyway, he is as cute as can be. His cheeks are so chubby and he seems to have Joel's nose. The whole time we were looking at him, his little lips were puckered in that cute little pucker that newborns do. It made me want to kiss them. I have had a hard time grasping the reality that we really are having another baby. So it was good for my heart to get to see him and know that this little person is part of our family.

Please pray for wisdom for us and the doctor. If the doctor feels that the baby is getting too big, he will want to do a C-section rather than endanger me or the baby. But I have had all my children naturally and really would prefer not to go the C-section route. Honsetly, this baby doesn't feel as big as Ethan did. So I am pretty comfortable with going the natural route. But we will need agreement on this between us and the doctor. Also, I felt a few weeks ago that God gave me faith to pray for the baby to come at 39 weeks instead of 40+. Although this could just me the desperate cry of a woman who's really tired of being pregnant, I did feel like it was a God thought, not mine. So that is what I am praying for, but planning on going full term. If you would also pray with me for 39 weeks, that would be awesome. God is never still or silent, is he? :) Have a blessed week!